So, today was the usual, reading, routine, etc. Watched the smurf movie today as well, which was legitamately one of the worst movies I've seen in quite some time, and my parents left for their 3 day holiday/ anniversary. Go them! So i'll be chilling the next 3 days alone, which has it's ups and downs, went out to the store to grab some frozen foods and ingredients for my brother n I, not like it will change a lot. dumb phone sim card will have to wait until next wednesday alas, with the trip n all. I also sent out some more emails today, GRAH I hate emails.I feel so annoyed by them, what's even the point! ok, backing up, so basically, with the roux institute I need to get 2 letters of reccomendation, naturallyI reached out to some college professors, about 4, understanding that some may be busy. of those4, ONLY my advisor responded, of my advisor, she only responded to the first email. This is so annoying. It's been well over a week now, I suppose I'll send another email to them tommorow, but it feels so infurating to be sending these emails out to what is basically the void, even when I'm trying my absolute hardest to be proactive about this application, I am bottlnecked by forces well out of my control. Sigh.
Other than that, I had a pretty emotional conversation with my mom today, I'm pretty tired and I can't really break it all down today, but I'll do my best to quickily sumemrize. I brought up the phone thing again, as I cant do it myself because she wants to be there and attach the bills to our new bank, which is totally fine, this was all a very mundane argument, but it was clear she was getting worked up, or felt I may be pestering her about it. I tried to disengage but it was too late, it became a full blown argument over basically nothing. Unfortunately, this isn't rare between me and my mom, though it is uncommon for it to get to a point where I feel very impacted. I took a second to walk away, so did she and we came back to talk about what had happened. She basically said she knew she would get annoyed by me asking, and couldnt stop herself, and I said I apologized for pestering her. We tallked about how things got to that point in the argument, and how I felt if she had just told me she had all these steps involved I wouldn't have even bothered to bring it up, but I was just curious as to when we would be getting the sim card figured out as I was pretty excited to keep it moving. I then got pretty emotional because again, we have arguments not super often, but probably once a month and it feels bad! there really isnt anyone else I get into this kind of fight with, and I dont want to get into them at all, ever again. I dont know what it is about the way I speak, or perhaps more accurately, the way we speak to each other that works us up like this to fighting, but I have been trying to figure it out for years. I have a feeling its our mutual rejection dysphoria playing at each other. I get it from her after all. Truely I started to tear up at the end, I dont want to be fighting with her! I hate it, I really do, but something about the way we talk to each other causes tiny infractions to become big, unsolvable problems. Or lessons, or whatever, and I want to make that not the case. We shall see if it happens.
I guess this day feels kind of negative at the end, but the arguement did have an ok ending, and like usual we hugged it out, and its chill. so the day was fine. Happy anniversary Mom n dad, hope the water is nice up north