...

Today was yet again in a word - quiet, I did a lot of reading, which was fun, but I geniuninly cannot remmeber much else, otehr than I ate dinner at an asian reasturant that was wildly overpriced. I remember having significant thoughts, or thinking important things and thinking "I should journal about this" but not actually what they were, which is incredibly frustrating. Though I do remember one thing, from blue highways. In the book he encounters someone who he considers to be "too inside himself to ever progress in life" the man is destitute, having lost everything from his perspective, and can only bear to talk about himself, truthfully not caring about anyone else due to his own self pity. I saw my old self in that, someone who was so caught up in his own tragedy that he could not see outside himself, someone who would ask questions of others, but only as courtasy, only as an excuse to wallow once again. It wasn't a nice reminder, but it is nice to see how far I've come. People experiencing this, people who allow their perceived tragedies to encircle them, its a steel trap like no others. I was lucky to have a stable family to fall back upon, to not have so many stesses in life that I figured a way out. Other people aren't so lucky. it's truely hard to see and its also, unfortunately, hard to be around people like this! which makes it even worse. "man I suck" leads to "please love me even if I suck" leads to being pathetic about things leads to people around you distancing themselves leads right back to "man I suck" and its a hard cycle to be in. I wish I could help people who are in this cycle, but often they dont want advice either.

while I was writing I remembered what else I did! I started dwarf fortress steam edition, and its quite the game! not far enough in to make any real statements, but so far its been good. I've enjoyed it for sure. All normal stuff, I lack a lot of seeds and the alchohol demand is hard to keep up with, also a stray cat adopted one of my dwarves. But the learning curve so far isnt so bad. I can only pray that the first invasion is kind to me, we shall see.