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Hello World!

7/23/2024

Starting with my activities today, it was pretty surface level stuff, I got up, brushed my teeth, cleaned my room as I do every morning, read my book "blue highways" for a little, then I headed out to a farm with my parents to see some animals and such and such. the farm itself was fine, the guy giving the tour was the patriarch and had built the place up from nothing, he knew every knook and cranny by heart, and had no problem speaking on it (at QUITE a bit of length.... perhaps a little too long haha)) but it was good, no pictures because I forgot my SD card for my camera, but it was a cute place. Tons of little kids running around being funny, it was quaint! and something to do, I wasn't paying very much attention to the small collection of vendors, but most were selling pottery. I had fun interacting with the goats, feeding em leaves from the ground. But... truth be told? I hated it, like I hate all other animal based farms, and while it was clear the owner was a nice guy... it was hard for me to respect him. and this delves into the core aspect of my vegitarianism, which I will now talk about.

Fundimantally, as time goes by, I have only been pushed more and more into being vegetarian its not only a critical part of my morality, but also the way I structure how I think about life in general in a very deep way. Everything this patriarch talked about was so fundimentally about money, what was profitable, which trees could be used for lumber, which animals sold the most for their flesh, it truly disguested me. Fundimentally he needs to make money, and actually that may be the core problem at heart, but viewing lives as cash will always hurt me, and hearing other people talk about it as such always feels bad. But I feel I must back up. I value life in a way I have been told is somewhat strange, because it is non-liniar, not exact, the same life doesnt hold the same weight in different contexts for me, yet I always value them highly. I was talking to my mom about this, so I'll try to reiterate what I said. Essentially, Being vegitarian usually comes from one of two classes of thought: the moral implication of killing animals, or the desire to not contribute to the highly ecologically damaging nature of high-yield meat farming (fish are no exception). My mom is strongly on the ecological side of things, she cares about animals, but cares much more about the general well being of the planet and her own body (the health benifits are admittadly a good draw), I feel that if there was no ecological impact to animal farming she probably wouldn't mind eating meat at all really. I weigh much stronger on the moral implications of killing animals. I talked in my last post about my general desire to be kind, to uplift and enjoy life, not bring it down. I so deeply wish to be a person that leaves any life I entered better than before. This mission is not compatable with eating meat, especially in the context in which I have the choice not too. Circumstances may affect this, of course, if you live in an underdeveloped country where your family lacks the ability to simply.. drive to a supermarket and collect food, and must farm animals to some extent to feed you and your family, this is entirely different, an not only a good thing, but admirable. if the apocolypse happened and I needed to eat, it a necessity for me to take life to sustain my own, as painful as that is. but that is not the world i live in, that is not the circumstances I inhabit. I have the choice to not contribute to systems I feel morally opposed too, and so I will not contribute to them. Ironically this is one of the few things me an morgan agreed about, is that the pet trade shouldnt exist for similar reasons, though that is a little off topic. Regardless, that is how I feel about being a vegetarian, in the context where I hold the power of choice, I will choose to not kill.

Speaking on the book, blue highways, I'm a meager 20 pages in, but its very very good so far, its about a guy named lesser heat moon, and is a true story. He, after losing his job as an english professor to the economy, and his wife to divorce, sells everything, buys a small van, and begins to travel the backroads of america, (blue, on maps, as opposed to the black "main roads"), his interactions with himself and the people he meets are incredibly genuine, Specifically, the quote " as soon as my worries became only the immediate worries of the road, then I woukd slow down." felt very personal, for a reason I cannot place. So far so good, the writing is dense, but easy to unpack, clear.

JACK! After reading your jounral entry, this next section is for you. and its gonna be pretty lengthy I think so yeah. I've wanted to write something like this for quite some time, but I never felt it was right or it was too awkward or something, but now that college is over, I feel I simply must write. I'm going to try to be as honest and real as possible, leaving nothing out, even if its awkward or looks strange, so be forwarned

I think I'll start freshman year, When we first started hanging out, I pretty much immediately knew you were the coolest guy I had met so far. During this time, however I was deeply depressed, self hating, and completely unable to see outside myself to any major degree, I felt alienated by the friend group and could do little to figure out why. Truthfully after awhile I gave up on feeling like I even deserved friends. on your half, during this time, the tagline I knew you for, or at least what I heard the most of when we talked, is that you held the belief that you did not owe anything to anyone, or rather, that your desires aligned in making interesting conversation and meeting interesting people. this rehtoric, at the time, I misinterprted as you believing that these were things I did *not* contribute. (not your fault, by the way, you could have said it directly to me and I wouldn't have believed it at the time) regardless, whenever we did hang out, it was always great. Binding of isaac, skull girls, so many things. I will never forget the day that I saw you leaving to go play cards elsewhere, and you doubled back to invite me along, that single action meant much more than know at the time. This was also the year you convinced me to try fashion, though at the time I was really only persuing it to try to drive our friendship forward. During these beggining months, I was honestly very envious of you! it seemed as if you were surrounded by people who were not only around you, but interested and attentive to you, something I felt I lacked, this was part of the reason I essentially dissapeared from the second half of the year, I truely didn't think that the group would ever really care to include me, let alone you, who I well and above considiered to be the coolest one there.

Sophmore year I had met my "new" friend group, which were a group of juniors, I wont talk much about them here, its not really the point, but it meant I was almost always out partying, something I enjoyed but didn't really care about after that year, anwyay. In terms of us, you had met kennedy, and that also took much of your time, meaning I saw you scarecly, you were much closer to Colin and co. But again, seeing you was still always a blast, though the feeling of "not fitting in" persisted.

Junior year was the year that we became much closer as friends, we lived so close together it would've been harder not too, but it was also the year I saw so much personal growth in you as a person, something I feel so glad to have gotten to witness. This was the year you told me for the first time about your family situation, though it was much less developed, and a lot of the thoughts were less clear. But I was shocked! how could this be! you seemed so self assured and confident and put together, especially in comparison to me, who had a stable background and yet perceived myself as much less put together, in this way I sort of idolized this, it actually made me want to try harder in life, inspirational in a way, *I* wanted to be self assured and confident, I truely took it to heart in a good way, I began to believe in myself in a much different way. even if maybe that was a bit silly, and I'm sure the you in my mind was likely much different than the actual you, but the idea of how you carried itself helped me form a healthier relationship with the way I carried *myself*. Most imporantly between us, and this will sound absurd, you started to text me first for lunch at least once a week. This may seem like nothing, or insigificant, but before this, I had almost always been the first point of contacct, and seeing you reach out first truely meant the world. During this time I saw you start to truely develop your beliefs, you seemed softer, kinder, more vunerable when we talked, you took an interest not just in me but in everyone, You in yourself quelled those thoughts that I was not a "good enough friend" I'll talk more about this later.

Senior year hardly feels worth mentioning in comparison, you were easily my best friend, we talked frequently and often, you made sure I felt included, even at the peril of being the only one to invite me to hangouts, you became attentive to again not just me but all your relationships in a very deep way, it was clear to me jack, that you simply cared so much more than you used too, or at least were willing to openly show it. This confirmed to me and validated all my beliefs from freshman year, you were truely one of a kind.

Now onto the you of today. Jack, I consider you one of my closest friends in so many ways. I have seen you become a deeply caring person and think so highly of it. You have never made me feel unwelcome, or annoying, or problematic in your life. you have been both an inspiration and catalyst for change in myself. you have had an impact on me, is what i suppose I want to say. After reading todays journal from you, I am even more appreciative of you, despite your perhaps troubled family sitution, your initially unstable finances and so much more you have remained kind, remained caring. even when you had every right to be bitter, or angry at the world, you've pushed yourself again and again to view the world in a positive way. you are one of the most thoughtful people I have ever met, youre introspections on life are not only a joy to speak and hear about, but inspire me to think more deeply about myself, to be a better person. It becomes more incredible when you share the same happyness in hearing and sharing in my thoughts, you are incredibly smart, capable, talented, and you let none of it go to waste, you will do great things, I am sure of it. When times get hard, when family is rough and the job offers few friends, I truely hope to be someone you can rely on, or talk too, now more than ever I am happy to be a part of your life and want to help uplift you when you struggle or stumble. if I am half the man you are, I believe I will always think I'm on the right path. Overall, Jack, it is with such great great pride that I get to call you my friend. Thanks for being in my life.

Cya next time,

Riley R Anderson.

(PS) sorry if this was all quite cheesy, but you truely have had an impact on my life, and it felt perhaps now was the time to share how.